I decided that in all my random Not Cake shenanigans that for once I was going to make one for myself!

The first challenge was that it was for my birthday this time round, so it just had to be fucking fabulous as a given. The second challenge being that I was on a budget of having fuck all employment so couldn’t spend a huge amount of money on fresh fruit.

So I armed myself with all the appropriate tools and cheats like a lot of tinned fruit.  The syrups would be good for an “icing” (read: marinade) for when the whole thing is done.

Upon making the first incision into the watermelon, I discovered my next challenge- There was a massive crack in the middle of the fucking thing, like some kind of fruit chasm set out to hamper all my efforts!

I slowly (and motherfucking carefully) constructed my epic masterpiece in the making, pausing at its completion that it reminded me suspiciously of something…

….

sweet merciful fuck It's Rogg.

Anyway. Overall the job took about two hours to put together, the tinned fruit adding for some interesting garnishes, and then as I was putting it all together I figured out what to do with the shitload of fruit I had leftover and how to conquer the chasm:

I give you, the first attempt at a stuffed Not-Cake. Not a bad effort for a days work, and thank fuck there were a lot of people here to help me finish the thing. Need to pick myself up a blender for next time, when I made these down in Sydney anything we didn’t consume in the first sitting just went into the blender for the most EPIC JUICE YOU HAVE EVER FUCKING TASTED IN YOUR LIFE.

HOW FUCKING DECORATIVE.